I had a horrible Chinese New Year(cny). For the pass 2 days i couldnt sleep well. Usually i slept at 12.30am-1.30am and normally wakes up at around 9.00am-9.30am. But this time round i woke up much later. Like lets see 10.30am.

Anyway is Saturday morning, I couldnt sleep well at all. It all started out in msn when i asked her, What love really means to her? Her replied was : "I don't know" i was so suprised she say that. 7 mths of relationship you don't know what is love? In the end she said :"to care, and be there for each other andshe could not think further" then after which i was talking on phone with my bby ger. I was telling her about her letting me into her family. It's been 7mths le. How long more she wants to drag it further? Without letting her parents know about it, it makes me in a difficult situation. I could not go out with her often. I could not be with her whenever i needed her most. I can't even go out with her on valentines day which i had plan it for months, she took it less than 1min to ruin it. All because she say this :"My mum off on valentines day". I was like Dammit. There goes another outing. A talk on the phone everyday or message everyday, doesnt bring the relationship closser, only remain the same or worste doesnt move the relationship instead of making it further. So many other restrictions. I really wished that she can tell me why is this happening to me?

WHY I ALWAYS WANTS HER TO TELL HER PARENTS ABOUT ME


All this while everyday i would miss her pitifully. Could not get out with her makes me feel even worste. And worste still, whenever i message her she would message me halfway she would suddenly stop replying me and would choose not to reply me till extremely long time. I was like, i couldnt accept the way she do this to me. I here feeling terribly love sick she wouldnt want to bother me much. I don't like it to be that way. Maybe it's my fault for not being so loving to her in conversation anymore? And maybe is my conversation is too boring for her anymore. I always wanted to revive this love matters. I would like to show her something on valentines day. Show her how much i feel for her on dedications in a building. But it was all wasted. My money my time my creation. Sorry if i make you feel bad bby. Is my blog, my feelings in it, and anyone reading it please do not make negative comments on her. Its my expression.

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Anyway i shall end here. My love for you is natural, no faking. I hope you feel the same way too. I don't wish to go on like this forever. I don't like the way i have been treated by you. I wish to be like a honeymoon like 1st 2nd mth. If you can help me solve this problem i promise myself to take good care of you. Hear from you soon. If you want me to feel this way forever then i'm so sorry.

I'm Back i guess.
Haha. Today was a terrible day for me. My mum left for Bangkok and would not return til 21st February. Sighs. All the housework and so on are all left behind. I want my mum back home. And hopefully be with her during Chinese New Year.

Anyway i met my bby ger tis afternoon in funan. We went for dinner at pastamania. Didn't have much appetite before eating. but after drinking the soup, It was very woo. Settle down and eat with her. She fed me. For so long finally she feed me. Not once but many times. I was so touched. T.T Thank you~. Anyway didnt spend much time. We ate and she has to go back to her shop to eat. Then i was left there stranded in funan. So decided to find some PC games for my com. I found Hitman, Hitman 2 and another Hitman. All 3 different types of story. Well i was eying on the Hitman Assassination something... It was at $19.90. Then i took out my wallet. If i buy it i would not be able to save up for valentines day. Or worst i wont have any lunch money for thurs-sun. So i guess nevermind, i can live w/o it. On the other hand i wanted to buy a 4x4 rubiks cube. But then again it's $18.90. Sigh... Another yet to be bought items in my list.

I wanted to buy so many things...

Here are my wishlist for 2008...

A new Laptop~
W960~
4x4 rubiks cube~
Final Fantasy 8 PC Game~
Clothes~
New Levis Jeans~
A hover Coat~
Light lavender paint for my room~

Ya think thats about it. So many things to buy. But no money at all. Dammit. How i wish i could spend money freely. Anyway i missed sumthing. I never get to kiss my bby ger n hug her for a goodbye. So sad. Anyway talking about kisses. I never felt what is like to smooch. I really want to know what is the feeling like. Sometimes couples around me do smooches infront of me, i was like asking myself... Hmm is it nice? Or just the taste of each other is nice? I never try it before so i don't know. But certainly i do think that it feels great. =x. Anyway the only person whom is willing to giv me a kiss is my ger. We wasnt ready for smooches yet. But i guess i want to give it a try. (If she don't mind). Well i guess she do minds. Arhh sometimes couple do things around me i feel envy at times and wishes my bby ger could do that. But i guess shes too young to feel the inner feeling of an adult. And i guess shes not ready yet too. Haha. The way they do things is like anything in mrts or buses n so whatever. Anyway im dreaming about it and wish that one day she wil open up herself more. And can experiment more things in love. HAHA! Well hope so. Its 2008~ New year, new expectations.

Boring Boring.

Boring xmas this year. No one give me anything for gifts. Sobs. But a lot of wishes around. Some make the effort to make a good one. Haha. Last year i recieved a couple of xmas presents like a hover coat, $100 hong bao $.$. And socks. Anyway didnt do anything much on xmas day. Only went out to have dinner at kfc at Causeway Point with my parents and my step brother. We eat and have a long chat about his girlfriend. He wants to go to find a job before he meets her girlfriend parents back in Shanghai. After which may considering settling down in Shanghai and get married there. But as a younger step brother. I do miss him when his away. Anyway hope he succeed in what he is doing.

Anyway xmas eve was quite a tiring day. Morning i went out with my bby to watch National treasures. After which we went over to LJS to eat. We saw Lona there. Hi Lona. After which we went back to Plaza singapura to have a walk til my groups of friends arrives. Well when i first met Mane for after a long time, i really don't know how to face him. He gave me a very cold feeling at first. And i wasnt that happy at first when he gave me that impression. But then again i stil want to stress on he did make an effort to come to met us. I was very glad that he did that. However the days turn a little bit more relaxing. We went for dinner at Pastamania. HAha Ying Hao first time dining in Pastamania. He orders pasta with sausage. It was fantastically and extremely hot for him. HAha. Zhao Hui was sweating along with him. HAHAHAHA!. Anw at first i wasnt having any mood to eat anything. After much persuasion i decided to eat Pizza. So i ordered a Basil Chicken pizza and share among all my friends. We had a nice time. Ying Hao invented the Pizza Pasta. Strange right? belive me. He did it. After which is about time to head up to watch our show. On the way out we found a HTC PDA phone. We was trying to get hold of the owner as soon as possible. Finally we got his best friend Evan. He called the owner and we meet up to collect his phone back. Then we went on to watch I Am Legend. Well the movie is really kinda boring because of one man show. But the good thing is that the show has loads of nice parts to see. After all is just a show that shows loads of frightening sence. Anyway after which we decided to walk down to Orchard Taka to join in the countdown. But we are afraid of people spraying at us. So we decided to walk at the back of taka. And head for the trains. We actually want to head down to Bishan and eat supper. But after we reached Bishan. I and Ying Hao don't really want to go for supper. So we stay back in the train till we reached YCK and had a great talk. I don;t really want to go for late supper is because of, i don;t really like being an extra in jason house if i missed the last train home. And partly i want go home too. After which i and Ying Hao sit at YCK station and had a long talk till the last train towards Jurong East arrives. Then that will be a long journey back home for me. I was very tired. I reached home have a great shower and off to my bed.

I had a great time Ying Hao, Don;t worry about me. I'm fine that Mane is around. Although we are having feuds with each other. But however this don't really stop me from having fun with you guys. This is the truth. He is still my friend. He taught me valuable lessons in life. I appreciate him as a friend. Whether he accept it or not is another different case.

Woot is has been a long time that i have not start blogging. So i guess i should start blogging.

Wao it has been so fast... It's going to be Chrismas soon. Well i have no idea what to do for chrismas. All i want for chrismas is my bby ger. I really want her on chrismas. I want bring her out. I really wish i could see her everyday. I really want her to be with me during events day. Somehow i wish really her parents know me. Then we can spend time on Chrismas. Today when i was in the bus with her. I told her that one day i would like to grant my parents dying wish. They wish to see her and wants to see a future daughter-in-law. Thats their dying wish. But all she could say is "Don't want". And she gave me no reasons. But i seriously think that she should come to meet my parents. As i promise that it won't be an interrogation session. Is just eating and also having chit chats and my parents would like to tell her more about me. Then at least she wil start to realize what type of person am i. I treat it as to socialise, not to press on each other. Sigh

I want to know her family one day. As i believe in the relationship, theres no point hiding. As hiding only brings more trouble than greatness to the heart. I really hope one day she has the courage and guts to tell her parents about me. Hope she keep her promise when the O's results are out. If not i guess thats it. It ends that day. I waited long enough. I don't want to carry on being unnoticed for too long.

Anyway i had a great week last week. Is more like a movie week for me. I've watched 30 days of nights, Hitman, Golden Compass and bee movie. So far its been a memorable week. I always love this type of things. Go out having fun. Discover new things.

Life is all about having fun and discover loads of stuffs. Discover what is love, hate, hapiness, joy and other stuffs. I find life must be outgoing. I cant be staying at home just playing games. Is time for me to go out, explore things by myself.

This few days bby ger has been sick. Well i was caring for her when she was sick. But she couldnt care or less for her own health. I dont know why. I asked her to go sleep when shes tired or sleepy. But she persisted and don't want to sleep. I was like =S. tired and don't want to sleep? lol? Sick stil don't rest don't take medi properly don't eat. How to cure? Anyway shes fine now.

I want to find something for her this chrismas and maybe do a chrismas exchange. I was thinking of loads of things. Haha hope she will like it. I was already thinking to buy her a psp on her birthday. But i could not save up enough cash for psp. So i decided to keep it til Xmas. But too bad her dad bought it for her. I was about to start saving up for her but in the end i could not save money for a psp. I also want a psp so bad. But after i see my cash flow. I think the dream of the psp can really be a dream forever not a reality. Im so sad. sigh. I want so many things on chrismas. But too bad no one in my family celebrates chrismas. Not even my relatives. I want a Psp, I want a Bluetooth Walkman Phone Headset, I want a 2gb M2 card, I want new shoes, I want new jeans, I want new sch bag, I want loads of things. But no want wants to give it to me. I guess all this is all up to on my own to save up. Sigh. How i wish that a rich man can just drop $1000 on the floor and i wil gladly pick it up. Sigh no money no honey.
No money no fun
No fun means no nothing.

Today is suppose to be Lona's birthday.
Well i could not type a coment for her in friendster as i dunno why i cant find her somehow. But LONA IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY!!! You are 1 year old older. Please be wise.

Anyway back to the point of today happenings. My dear is having dinner at fish & co with all her cousins and so call future cousins-in-laws. Well i have no rights to let her bring me. And also partly i have no money to eat fish & co. So less one outing with her again. Sigh, super sad now. its reaching 2wks and i could not see her. All i can do is call her on phone. I started to miss her so much. And feeling a bit too far from her. I cant bear it anymore. I want to cry badly. I cant meet her. I don't know whether shes feeling the same way as me. Some of the days i do miss her til i hallucinate that im with her.

I went for dinner with my mum. Dad wasnt around. As he has to take granny to the hospital for medical check ups. I talk to my mum about my dear. I told her what we are facing til today. My mum told me sumthing and ask me things like "thats shows that she don't feel the love from you". If she does then she will do all means to be with me. Well i can't tell everything about it here cause i have more deeper feelings. And i will only tell her next Saturday when we are going beach at East Coast.

My feelings is so deep with her. I trusted her with all my heart. I love her as much as anyone else. I do see her as my future wife. I do see that i'm the one whom i need to take good care of her when i grow older. I see things are meant to be loads of things. But hope it will happen and the dream will be true.

Anyway. Tml morning gt work. Sian. But after work. I gtg buy new phone. haha.

Sometimes i think why must i go through so much anger with her.

What i hate about her:
Doesn't enjoy joke or criticism about her.
Always pek chek when talk to her on phone.
Doesn't sees me as a important person in her life.
Always angry easily.
Never learn to forgive and forget the things that people have done wrong.
Never accept easily.
Always want things her way. If not she will be angry.
Can't go out with her to far places alone.

What i like about her:
Soft at times.
Don't like me to spend money anyhow.
Love her touch.
Make me cry, angry, happy. All the feelings.
Taught me a beautiful lesson of what is love.

Well there is more hate than love. But then again. I would still endure the pain i've gone through with her. If she ever thinks that she can change her life around. It would be a X-mas wish. I really love her. But do she really care me when i'm angry or down? All she does was not gonna talk to me when i'm angry. Sometimes i think why? Has god gave me this girl to punish me for whatever sin i have done?

She never understands a guys heart well enough. All she wants is a guy whom can treat her heart so well till to be a spoilt one. I'm not that type. If you want things your way. Explain why you want it that way. If i think its reasonable then i give you the win-win situation. Sometimes i think of her dad. Why her dad treat her so princessly? Her mum is not that type. She spends too much time with her dad. Thats the reason why she been spoilt. Everything give her. I'm not trying to scold or offend your dad. I just think that your dad has make you become like this. Creating so much problems for your ex. Each of my best friends say...

James: She enjoy making people sad is it?
Ying Hao: We must like, think and talk to her with caution. Can't even tell her criticisms.
Jason: She really love you or not?
Cas: How she grow up and go work in the future when she can't stand criticisms.
Christine: Why must she be so easily agitated?

K enough of quotes.
All i have to say is that. Maybe your friends and close one don't see you deeply. They didn't say about you. Is that the reason why you can't mix along with more friends?

Anyway all i have to say is that i do love her. Do i have to go through so much pain just because the way she is? Why can't she change the way she is?

Bby... If you are reading my blog. I just want to say. I'm a guy. My heart is not for you to torture it. My heart is for you to treat it with love and care. Not vent anger by playing around people's feeling. I have no offense about what i post about your dad or anything about you. This is what i feeling for so long. If you love me. Promise me you change the way you are.

Sigh Sigh Sigh...
The day before yesterday. When i was talking on msn with my bby. She told me she was playing audi and got a very high combo. Where then this idiot person whom gone through the combo with her propose to her in audi. And she accepted. I was very angry that day.

Why can't she know how i feel? Can she be more understanding towards me? Am i asking too much from her?

My point of view is that. If she have dignity and loyalty, she could have say "No" to that guy. Anyway she was honest to me and told me what she did.

Anyway i've lost my bracelet. I'm super demoralised. Everything i do this week was never right. It took me 4weeks to get it and now 1/2 of it is gone. Sigh. How much pain do i have to go through? I lost all my temper.

Today is the 4th month anni. It wasnt a happy one though. Cause last night she was playing audi till late. I waited about 11.45p.m and i could not wait anymore cause i was super sleepy. I played my own handphone games in bed. I waited so long till i cannot bare it le. So i just message her and wish her in advance. But what she replied was super short. Just because she was playing audi and could not reply me much. For that i got angry le. >.<

This morning my message to her was abit too cold le.

Anyway i'm sorry for what i've done. I admit that im angry. Selfish from the inside.